Ok i'm not exactly complaining but.. it kinda took me a few days for some tumultuous sentiments to settle down into refined words; much like watching a shaken glass of sour plum juice sedimenting itself nicely and quietly for 4 days.
To be frank to all, I had initially made it a point not to attend graduation. No no I have nothing against my sch and my lecturers. (I love all of them like crazy.) Because I didn't like that sort of poly grad atmosphere and I know I won't feel good to be there when I know alot of my schmates wouldn't be there. And the freaky grad gown really put me off like anything on earth. In that sense, I'm very much alike to Mr Wong. He could practically understand what I mean when I told him I didn't want to be there actually.
And then Mr Gan got in touch with me one saturday afternoon, around 1 week before grad. I felt so bad. It was instant. I must be letting people down now that they had realised I didn't register in the graduand system. If not, Mr Lou wouldn't be getting him to call me. (I could guess why he didn't do the calling personally. I had pissed him off like mad for orientation.) I guess you guys are right. It's only polite to be there since I'm prize winner. To be exact, a gold medalist. So how can their top student not be there? Hai. Obligations. Ok this may be weird and un-understandable to many people. My boyfriend was right. There are thousands of people out there who would want to be in my shoes and would gladly exchange for anything just to wear that metal. So what was wrong with me? Well, I'm just like that. I don't mean to be so stupid and strange. Sometimes, certain stubborn traits are innate. I can't change much, only convert them to some other form of energy.
And so I did. I invited my aunt to be there since my parents were to be unavailable, put retin A on my stupid face every night (which explains the peeling), ate my supplements, bought new shoes, rent that stupid gown, trimmed my brows... I did everything I could to make myself presentable just for that moment. Just for whoever was there for me, to feel proud and happy. And I hope they did.
And so the big day came. 21st May 2007. Finally.
I was high for a few minutes. Seriously high. Actually I was nervous. The MC took a long time (ok it felt like eternity to me) to say everything out and finally my name. There was this other lady beside me trying to halt my feet from stepping beyond this black tape while I was positioned just after the stairs at the stage. She must be wondering what was wrong with this stupid girl's edgy feet. I was shaking like a leaf. And so I shoke hands with TP Principal, Mr Boo and being such a moron, I forgot to at least greet him or say morning before that. Actually I remembered, I just forgot his name. Nevertheless, he put on the medal for me and I said 'Thank you so much.' and the camera men (OMG holy cow, there were so many!! I didn't know which camera to look at) flashed many times and I almost went blind with my plastic smile and yup, that was it. I hurried down the stage feeling numb and incredible, trying to digest what just took place. (I passed by Mr Revi Nair at the sidewalk after coming down from the stage. He bent over and shoke his hands with me and I went like 'THANK UUUU SIR!!' and returned the shake violently. I could almost see him trying very hard not to be amused, but he failed.)
After the ceremony it was pretty chaotic. To be frank, I didn't really relish that idea of being shoved into that VIP reception room with all those big shots. (The Principal, the UNLV principal, the director, the CEO of capitaland, to name a few.) I only wanted to take pictures with my dear friends and lecturers. After all, I may never get to see my international friends for the rest of my life again. But we were made to do PR and well, I had to show some face though Anita and I were pretty insignificant, if you get what I mean. We weren't LKY or Tay Eng Soon award holders. And so, Mr Yeo our director took photos with both of us as well. (I told him, we should look for a 'scenic' place.) He asked me to send him the photos to which I candidly replied without much forethought, "Don't' worry Mr Yeo, I'll spam you!" to which he responded with a back turn and a really really ominous stare and I kinda regretted instantly. (Anita was beside me giggling like mad coz I just said it as if he was a NOBODY when he's OUR DIRECTOR.) Why the fuck am I always screwing up my own life???? After that, I was trying not to panick. And then there was this camera man who asked Mr Yong, Melvin and myself to take a picture. It was fucking strange. He asked us 'who's the joker?' twice and then Mr Yong was trying very hard to think of something to reply but really couldn't coz he looked as if he was using whatever nerves he had to prevent himself from bursting into laughter. And then me and Melvin were exchanging those amused and ridiculous 'huh' looks and I secretly pointed at Mr Yong behind his back when he wasn't looking, then we burst out laughing together. I think the funniest was when Mr Eugene Lee was helping Anita, Melvin and myself to take a picture at the same 'scenic' place. He was fiddling with the digi cam and we waited. I couldn't take it anymore and said, "Mr Lee, we know you're used to MOTOROLA, but...it's not THAT difficult to press that button." Needless to say, he went slightly red and delivered that usual paiseh laughter of his. Anita laughed again. And then this Newpaper intern from Hwa Chong called Yvonne grabbed hold of us to do an interview but I 'shove' her to Anita. Coz the questions she asked were about the ridiculous gown and I know Anita could handle such things better than I do especially when it comes to speaking against my conscience. (Look it's a freaky gown, alright??) And then I told her that Mr Yong is our 'Father of Tourism Academy'. I could tell that Mr Yong simply wanted to die or something; he was freakin' embarrassed. Well, sorry Mr Yong! I couldn't resist the temptation of sabohing you coz we all know your quick reflexes at verbal retaliation but I didn't think you'll give in so easily that moment.
I went to search for my aunt to take a picture with her coz she had been waiting for me somewhere at the mass lounge. I positioned myself outside the VIP reception room and had a weird conversation with Mr Daniel Chia while waiting. (HEY I swear I didn't look for him, realised he was standing there like a pole AND looking at me all the time I was there.) I guess he's after all, a nice guy despite his deep-throated slangs and sarcastic jokes. I'm starting to like him, after all that crap we suffered under him for FBO. I must admit that he does have some conscience as I discovered along the way during that semester. He wasn't that bad a person when I spoke to him personally.
Mr Chia: Hello, Ms Koh. You look lost.
Me: (Looking surprised and trying to sound normal, as in, nice.) Hi Mr Chia. Erm...I'm looking for somebody. (Left the sentence there, didn't intend to elaborate any further. Actually I wanted to just ignore him.)
Mr Chia: (Persistently carried on the conversation) I didn't know you're getting a medal today. Congratulations!
Me: Erm... Thanks. I didn't know actually. Erm... Mr Gan called me up to tell me. Actually I didn't want to come. Look at this! (Parading my freaky gown) Don't I look extra ugly and stupid today???
Mr Chia: Hahaha. (Looking at me with those amused, beady eyes) You know we had this joke in the staffroom amongst the colleagues. Just imagine one of you students hold a big bell in the right hand and RINGGGG, well isn't it much like the Taoist sai gong!
Me: Huh?? (Couldn't believe my ears! He was trying to crack a joke???! Ok it's funny but...) Erm... yeah... I kinda get your point..
Mr Chia: (Quickly changed the conversation since I wasn't laughing.) So, what are your plans after this?
Me: I'm going to ntu business. It's not my first choice. Gonna take the risk to study their new specialisation.
Mr Chia: (What sounded like an attempt to console me.) Ntu can't be that bad, la. Wish you all the best, Ms Koh.
Me: (Suddenly thought of something.) Oh yes Mr Chia! Janice told me the other day she saw you on the bus!
Mr Chia: Yes, I knew from long ago that she has been my neighbour! Right from the first semester. Just a few stops away from my house! You know every morning when she comes up the bus, she 'tatata' and pheww all the way up to the 2nd floor. I see her do that every day. She has not noticed I'm always there. Hahaha.
Me: Uh...HAAAAAA ok that's funny!! Haa she was so amused and excited when she saw you on the bus, on her way back. So she sms me to tell me that she saw you but didnt' really know what to say to you. I can so imagine you there and looking stiff.
Mr Chia: (raise an eyebrow. Then some students came to ask him take photos.) Ok Ms Koh, I guess I'll have to get busy.
After all that effort in PR, the price we paid for was disappointment after realising that most of our sch mates were gone. Most of them have already started work and applied only half day leave. Some had to return home. I guess, luck wasn't on our side. But we found Meraj, PP, Anna and Vivian, along with other HTM students we know like Caiyun, Victor, Irene and ya, Minli managed to grab hold of me too. Lookin at the fuss around us with so much action by other students and realising we didn't have that many friends and lecturers to take photos with was freakin' t-e-r-r-i-b-l-e. This was one of those moments I really could have killed someone with my medal. (Ok i don't know how but yeah.)
Me: Multi-faceted under a layer of skin. Many modules take place beneath my brain shell. Think simple enough; you can understand most of me. Love creative analogies that make sense.
Loves: Shoes! Barefoot is fine too. Burberry, Marc Jacobs, Anna Sui